Comedic Puzzles

1. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
   
   Don Marquis
2. Don’t know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.
   
   Anonymous
3. Electricity is really just organized lightning.
   
   George Carlin
4. There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
   
   Henry Kissinger
5. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
   
   Terry Pratchett
6. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
   
   Anonymous
7. I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
   
   Ashleigh Brilliant
8. The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
   
   E. Joseph Cossman
9. I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?
   
   Jerry Seinfeld
10. There are three signs of old age: loss of memory … I forget the other two.
    
    Red Skelton